


and i would do it again.

by supremejaes



Category: GOT7
Genre: 4+1, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Dumb Decisions, Fake Depth, Falling in Love Alone, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Miscommunication, Romance, Structured Drabble, falling in love fast, mentions of markjin, onesided!2Jae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25996090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremejaes/pseuds/supremejaes
Summary: Alternatively titled: "Out of sight, out of mind; to give up the fact that you were never mine."4+1The four times they don't say I love you and the one time they do.Or so it seems.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38





	and i would do it again.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by one of the worst experiences of my life. 
> 
> Never fall in love with a writer. For if there is no paper to write your words to remember it on, they will only echo your words in their head for years to come.

**I. December**

They meet a few days short of winter break at a house party somewhere off campus. According to everyone that was there, their chemistry was off the charts. Highly obvious, apparently. Compatibility took in the form of Jaebeom and Jinyoung for the night. Jinyoung couldn’t lie, he felt flattered when the crowd around them voiced their praises of how similar the two of them were. He didn’t know Jaebeom well; barely heard of him before coming to the party but for once, after what had felt like a very long time, his snarkiness was challenged; his niche jokes finally met with laughter. He was happy. 

Jaebeom’s friends echoed it too, how it seemed like he finally met his match. Jinyoung caught wind of them saying Jaebeom seemed more relaxed in his vicinity, and how finally, there was something other than his thesis to get his undivided attention.

It was cute.

They didn’t know each other, but it was cute.

And the moment Jinyoung and Jaebeom locked eyes, it was instantaneous. They mirrored each other perfectly; both of them reflecting a lost soul finally found.

But Jinyoung had a boyfriend. 

Mark, who left up north for grad school this past summer. 

Life had been lonely for Jinyoung since then. Jinyoung didn’t know himself apart from his other half. His world practically revolved around Mark, his doings and his interests. The freedom that came from the distance apart left Jinyoung undone. Attending parties— attending anything, really— without Mark was entirely foreign. 

But surprisingly, this felt comfortable. Jaebeom felt familiar. When the two of them continued falling further in their world of conversation, there was a general consensus among Jinyoung’s friends that what Mark didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, so no one said anything. 

(And maybe no one said anything because everyone knew that Mark had been in every bed but his own since he left for grad school months ago, and they knew that Jinyoung deserved better.)

Despite how things end up turning out, Jinyoung will forever go on to explain that he never meant to keep Mark from Jaebeom and Jaebeom from Mark. That the reason why he didn't tell Jaebeom about his boyfriend-at-the-time was because it wasn’t supposed to be like that. Jaebeom wasn’t supposed to mean much. They were just meeting for the first time. The first party of the night. New friends. Same old shit.

But Jinyoung notices that things feel a little different with Jaebeom. He’s more observant than the people he usually surrounds himself with, asks him profound questions, and drops random facts in conversation that Jinyoung never knew about.

It’s charming. 

Jaebeom is shiny and new and he smiles when Jinyoung laughs and side-eyes him when Jinyoung jokes around with him, almost like he already knew what his antics were; is prepared for whatever he throws at him before Jinyoung so much as breathes.

Jinyoung likes that.

Maybe they really are as smitten with each other as everyone's made it seem, but they don’t know that yet. 

Sometime after the clock strikes 10, Jinyoung leaves the party with Jaebeom’s number in his phone and an extra jump in his step.

They don’t text right away. It's a couple of weeks later when Jinyoung is waiting to board a flight to go spend the holidays with Mark, that Jaebeom texts him what he’s up to and Jinyoung sends him a photo of the planes taxing on the tarmac outside.

 _Flying soon_ , he types.

When he clicks out of their messages and logs onto Instagram, Jaebeom’s account pops up on the recommended to follow. He hovers over the follow button but not before he can click on and enlarge Jaebeom’s most recent post.

It’s a photo of an airplane, updated three minutes ago and captioned, “I sometimes wonder to myself; am I meant to do something great? Or am I meant to wander through life like how planes do in the vast open sky?”

Jinyoung clicks Read More and the caption continues.

“At least planes have trails they can follow.”

It doesn’t mean much in context and his thoughts are probably irrelevant, but Jinyoung thinks of the coincidence between him telling Jaebeom he was boarding soon and the photo. Perhaps (he hopes), Jaebeom is thinking of him.

Jinyoung follows and is the first like on the photo.

Jaebeom follows him back immediately after. _Have a safe flight_ , he receives less than a minute later.

For the time afterwards, this moment will be highly contested if it meant anything. But to Jinyoung, it is the first “I love you.” 

It reads as an “I understand,” and an “I know that you do.”

**II. January**

The Friday after Jinyoung comes back, Youngjae breaks it to him in the men’s bathroom at their favourite bar that he is very interested in Jaebeom.

He's nervous, Jinyoung can tell. It's not so much written on his face as it is just in the way his body thrums with uneasiness. Jinyoung's known Youngjae since they were kids— been living on the same block since forever— but there's still some unknown territory between them. University has made them somewhat closer, but this is still the first time Youngjae has ever confided in him.

“I’d tell him, but I don’t know… It always just feels like he’s waiting for _something_.” Youngjae says, shakily. “I’d hate to disappoint him.”

And really, Jinyoung should have caught this sooner. Youngjae was the one who brought Jaebeom to that party after all. But Jinyoung just continues washing his hands. No words of reassurance or encouragement. He doesn’t really know what to say, so he settles for silence.

When they get back to the table, Jaebeom is sitting quietly on his phone while Chris and Brian replenish everyone's glasses of soju and beer. Bambam and Yugyeom take a break from their game of darts to announce that drinking games are old news, so they’ve settled on everyone asking each other soul-searching questions.

They ask questions in order of how they’re sitting, fading somewhere in between the deep and the superficial. Jinyoung asks Chris a heavy question about how he deals with the cultural struggle of Korean diaspora in the Western world and Youngjae (not so subtly) asks Jaebeom for his ideal type.

Jinyoung forgets to listen, only zoning back into the conversation when Jaebeom asks him his own question.

“Do you have any plans after college?” He asks with a tilt of his head.

Jinyoung knocks a shot of soju down his throat before he answers, letting out a slight “oof.” The guys laugh around them, echoing a familiar feeling of weight from that question alone.

Jinyoung nods though, a shrug to his shoulders. “Yeah. I wanna move abroad.”

The answer peaks Jaebeom’s interest, causing him to lean in. Jinyoung ignores the way his heart pounds just a half beat faster at the motion (and coincidentally, ignores the way Youngjae’s eyes flit between them two). 

“Really? Where to?”

“Paris,” Jinyoung says lamely. Jaebeom's mouth drops in awe and his smile is almost breathtaking. Jinyoung isn't used to leaving people impressed. “But anywhere, really…" He continues. "Anywhere that gives me meaning.”

He says that last part a little under his breath, his fingers playing anxiously with the straw sitting in his soda cup.

Jaebeom leans in a little further, encroaching more into Jinyoung’s space and looking at him more thoughtfully now.

“Mind elaborating?”

Jinyoung hesitates. Just how hard was Jaebeom planning on hitting these questions? Everyone at the table seems to be just as engaged as Jaebeom and Jinyoung exhales shakily, carefully choosing the words in his head.

“I want...” Jinyoung starts, “I want to move somewhere that helps justify the reason why I kept living, even when I so desperately didn’t want to.”

Jinyoung’s gaze drops. Everyone is quiet, uncomfortable.

Youngjae whistles when a beat has passed. What he says next, surprises Jinyoung the most.

“Yikes… Depressing, much?”

The statement really isn't… Tasteful. But everyone laughs anyway and it reminds Jinyoung to remember the company he usually keeps around. The "normal" aren't used to this kind of disdain. He gives everyone an apologetic look, firing off a quick sorry.

In an instant, the table goes back to their mindless chatter and Jinyoung lets himself fade to the background. But a nudge to his side has him looking up and when he averts his gaze, he finds Jaebeom still looking at him.

Once he gets his attention, the older nods, a familiar glint of pain in his eyes. Like Jaebeom knows; like Jaebeom is telling him he's still listening, like he doesn't have to fade away. Jinyoung watches as Jaebeom straightens his back out to lean against his chair. 

“I get it.” Jaebeom says, taking a swig of his beer. His eyes never stray from him, lips curling into a soft smile."I really, _really_ feel that."

Jinyoung gulps.

They sit there, staring at each other.

It is the second “I love you.” It is unspoken, yet is louder than anything at the bar that night.

(In the midst of it all, Youngjae finally pieces it together in his head and takes one final look at the both of them. He leaves five minutes after.)

(They don’t notice.)

(Jinyoung walks Jaebeom home that night and Jinyoung never hears from Youngjae again.)

**III. February**

Hushed whispers. 4 A.M. A black and blue morning.

They’ve been talking on the phone for hours. It’s become routine; ending and starting the day together like this until the lines are blurred and the words are more intimate than they can ever recall.

“Can I ask you something?” Jinyoung says just a breadth above a whisper.

“Hm?”

His heartbeat is thready now. Like his heartstrings are separating and spooling together with every pound of his heart. He breathes, “Is it all in my head?”

Silence overcomes them.

 _Is it?_ He thinks. The looks. The words. The invisible gravitational pull. 

The line stretches thin, a minute too much for it to have been normal. Perhaps Jaebeom didn’t understand.

“Is—”

“No.” Jaebeom interrupts. “No, it’s not in your head.”

Jinyoung exhales, face red and burning. Flustered. A part of him wants to ask more; wants to ask Jaebeom where does this leave them? What does he want to do? Because Jinyoung still has Mark to worry about (even though Mark clearly doesn’t care about him) and he just wants to know if this will lead where Jinyoung thinks it will lead to.

He’s certain and uncertain at the same time and the ambiguity is killing him.

But it’s late/ too early in the day to ask so many questions.

“R-Really?” He asks instead.

He’ll ask next time.

“Really.” Jaebeom says firmly. “I feel it too.”

It is spoken, but it's not “I love you.”

But it is the closest they can get for now, for love means nothing if there's no reassurance.

(They fall asleep on the line two hours later, and when Jinyoung finds himself rushing to his 8AM lecture that same morning, there is not one ounce of regret in his entire being.)

**III.V. Interlude**

A week later, Mark and Jinyoung finally break up. 

Jinyoung tells himself that it should hurt, that the end of four years of love should hurt, but it doesn’t. (And to be honest, it never will. Not like it does much, _much_ later.)

It takes no time at all for Jinyoung to be lined up with first date offers. No matter if it’s high school or college, news travels fast for the close-knit. Jinyoung doesn’t really think anything about it until he and Jaebeom are on the phone again.

Jinyoung picks up after the first ring, more than ready to begin yet another round of their nightly calls.

“Hey—”

"I heard from Chris that Hyunwoo asked you out." Jaebeom says without so much as a hello.

His tone isn’t menacing, but Jinyoung flinches anyway. 

"Yeah.” He replies quickly as he flits about his kitchen, preparing himself a cup of tea. Jaebeom hums in the way that he usually does but Jinyoung has come to know enough of Jaebeom to know that he’s suspicious. “But I said no."

Another hum. Contemplative now.

"Why?" Jaebeom asks, and Jinyoung can hear him roll around in his bed.

"I don’t know,” He says with a shrug, then quickly realizing Jaebeom can’t see him, “It just feels too soon."

"Too soon?"

"Yeah."

Silence again. Just like last time. Growing tension. 

Jinyoung’s voice trails off like there’s a "but" coming and it’s so obvious that he knows Jaebeom knows it’s coming, but Jaebeom cuts him off before he can continue. 

"I think you should go for it though." He says.

Jinyoung stops mid-pour, setting his kettle down back on the stove. "What?"

"Yeah,” Jaebeom shuffles around. “It'd be good for you.” He says. “To get back out there and what not." 

"Oh… But—" 

But what about you? Jinyoung wants to say. _Us?_

But instead all that comes out is, "I don't even really know the guy. Never spoken to him more than the occasional "Hi, how are you?”... I'm not sure if we'd do well on a date together."

Jaebeom sighs softly and Jinyoung vividly sees the sight of Jaebeom in front of him now when he closes his eyes. "You never know unless you try. I think it'd be a good experience."

"But-" Jinyoung tries again. "I don't even know if I should be going on dates."

"Why's that?" Jaebeom asks and it eats Jinyoung up inside.

"Because..." Jinyoung says, breath shaking. Are we doing this now? _What are we doing?_ What’s going on? Why is he acting like he doesn’t— "Because I'm interested in someone."

"Who?" Jaebeom asks yet again. 

But it's not like the other times when they’ve talked and Jaebeom gives him surefire questions. This isn’t teasing. It isn’t Jaebeom anticipating his next move. It’s almost like he means it, like he really doesn't know. 

The empty air of nonchalance is strong in his tone. But he's not doing it to be coy. It's almost as if he's challenging Jinyoung to admit something. The thing between them, again.

“You know them.” Jinyoung says, resuming his tea.

“Do I?” Jaebeom asks and finally, this time, Jinyoung can hear his smile. Joking. Relief washes over him. He can’t help but smile too, biting back a laugh.

“Hyung.” He whines pitifully.

The older laughs, hearty and full. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

It is not an “I love you” but goddamn it, I want you to say it.

**IV. March**

Spring Break kicks off on Thursday night and Jinyoung finds himself yet again at a party somewhere off campus. It’s crazy to think of how quickly the first half of the semester has come and gone and when classes resume again in a week, Jinyoung will be prepping for graduation. 

Not much has changed in the winter months, except for the obvious; a fresh haircut, a new cardigan, and the difference between showing up to a house party alone and showing up to a house party with Jaebeom in tow.

For the most part, the company is exactly the same as it was except for a few new stragglers here and there.

Of the newer visitors in particular is that of Jackson Wang, an exchange student from Hong Kong and currently, the center of Jinyoung’s attention. 

Jinyoung doesn’t know how it happened. One moment he was sitting (read: cozying up) on the couch right next to Jaebeom and then the next moment, as he was trying to scour the table of booze for Jaebeom’s favourite brand of whiskey, he found himself pulled into the enigma that was Jackson.

But it wasn’t hard to, to be honest. Jackson was fun, terribly sweet and energetic. He introduced himself and taught Jinyoung how to make a new cocktail in one breath. Then in the next breath, he asked about Jinyoung’s major and complimented his outfit. Jackson spoke a mile a minute but Jinyoung liked it. His enthusiasm was amusing and captivating and Jinyoung truly enjoyed being around him. They were being friendly. 

It was the first party of the night and Jinyoung made a new friend. Same old shit.

But people talk.

And according to people, Jinyoung was being friendly. Jackson was _flirting_.

They’re not as loud about their thoughts as they were at the party last December, but their words still make it across the room. Across the party. All the way to Jaebeom.

Jinyoung sees Jaebeom walking in his direction towards the kitchen and he smiles brightly, waving him over. He doesn’t see how Jaebeom tries his best to return with a smile of his own, only to frown, because Jinyoung’s caught up in Jackson again.

“Me and my friends are gonna go to Jin’s! You should come with us!” Jackson says animatedly.

Jinyoung laughs at the other’s excitement, shaking his head. He looks up to make eye contact with Jaebeom and Jinyoung’s heart flutters when Jaebeom smiles softly at him.

“Haha, I’m good. But you go ahead! I hope you have fun!” Jinyoung yells above the music into Jackson’s ear.

Jackson visibly pouts but accepts the rejection. “Guess I’ll see you around then?” He offers.

Jinyoung nods emphatically. He likes Jackson. Of course he’d want to see him again.

His reaction has Jackson absolutely ecstatic and just before Jackson passes through the threshold to leave the kitchen, he steps back in to whisper something in Jinyoung’s ear.

It takes Jinyoung by surprise but he listens anyway. The kiss that Jackson places on his cheek just before he walks away has him blushing from embarrassment.

For Jaebeom, it has him seeing red.

A flurry of _oohs_ and _ahhs_ encircle Jinyoung until he is overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of attention.

"What did he say to you?" A girl that he recognizes was Mark’s former mentee, Yeji, asks.

Another girl next to her, Jinyoung thinks her name is Nayeon, feeds into the gossip, “Did he ask you out?”

Brian cuts in, “Bro, I swear he was lowkey obsessed with you.”

Jinyoung doesn’t know how to respond but before he can make it clear that it wasn’t like that, the heavy weight of a stare falls unto his shoulders. When he looks up, he sees Jaebeom in the corner of the room near the back door. Jaebeom’s face is unreadable but he’s clearly unhappy. Jinyoung watches as he chugs the remainder of his beer and chucks it into the trash, headed out the door that leads into the alley.

When the storm of questions get caught up in themselves, Jinyoung excuses himself to the bathroom. As he walks across the room, he takes in the faces of a few of his friends who know about him and Jaebeom and their mess of a thing. If they know what’s coming isn’t going to be pretty, they never let on.

He finds Jaebeom in the alley, nursing another can of beer. How the hell he got it, Jinyoung doesn't know.

It’s quiet.

Jinyoung’s feet crunch on the loose asphalt but Jaebeom doesn’t acknowledge him.

The growing tension is here again and Jinyoung is exhausted. There’s only so much implication one person can take.

He walks up to him, inching into Jaebeom’s space. Jaebeom stays still; as stiff as a board.

"You okay?" Jinyoung says in the quiet of the night.

A beat passes. 

"I’m fine." Jaebeom says back. But he’s grimacing.

"It doesn't seem like it."

Jinyoung steps closer but Jaebeom backs away, hitting his back on the side of the house with a grunt. Jinyoung can see him mentally curse at himself.

"Why do you care?"

The bite in his answer surprises him. "Of course I care, Jaebeom." He moves to cup his face. Jaebeom rejects it. 

"What makes you think I wouldn’t care about you?"

Jaebeom snorts. What sounds like laughter leaves his mouth, but it’s so _so_ uncharacteristically bitter. "Gee. I don't know, Jinyoung. You seemed awfully occupied earlier with Jackson's company."

And then it clicks. Jinyoung wants to laugh, so he does; melodious and true.

The tension rises. Warm water.

"You’re jealous?” He bites his lip, cheeky. “That’s why you won’t look me in the eye right now?"

He bends down for good measure, trying to force their eye-contact.

Jaebeom moves his head to the other side. He breathes and barely then does Jinyoung realize that he’s not laughing.

"Why are you jealous?" He asks curiously.

Jaebeom shakes his head. "Forget it."

But Jinyoung doesn’t want to forget it. Doesn’t want to go on acting like nothing’s there because it’s obvious something is, but Jinyoung just wants Jaebeom to tell him. He wants to _know_.

The attitude is annoying and Jinyoung is getting fed up the more he waits for something that seems like it’ll never come. So he reflects it back. 

Warmer.

"No, Jaebeom, tell me. Why are you jealous?"

"No one fucking said I was fucking jealous, okay?” Jaebeom spits. He’s finally looking at him now. It’s angry, Jinyoung notices, but it’s fine. It’s a start. “Why would I be?"

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, folding his arms. “You tell me, Jaebeom. You tell me why you didn't like seeing me with Jackson."

"What did he say to you?" Jaebeom hisses.

Hot.

"What?"

"What did he say to you before he left?” Jinyoung sees the frustration grow on Jaebeom’s face, his jaw locked and his eyes anywhere but on him. “He came back in to tell you something— What did he say?"

"Why do you want to know?" Jinyoung presses.

"Goddamnit Jinyoung! Just answer the fucking question!" Jaebeom yells.

And then they’re spilling. Bubbling out of the pot, boiling water.

"No, you answer MY fucking question!” Jinyoung screams. “I am not obligated to tell you what he said to me. Who are you to ask? I don't owe you anything, Jaebeom. You have no right to go around policing me."

Jaebeom chuckles, the drinks kicking in. They’re fighting and Jinyoung probably shouldn’t get too close, but even like this, Jinyoung trusts Jaebeom. Knows he wouldn’t hurt him even if drunk. 

"So now we're fighting?” Jaebeom asks, snarling. “You'd rather have us two fight than not tell me what that fucker said to you?"

"God, what the hell do you want to hear, Jaebeom?! What?” Jinyoung is exasperated. “That he told me he had a really good time with me tonight and he hopes to see me again soon? To call him? Huh?! Is that what you wanted to hear?!"

Jaebeom groans, pushing himself off the wall and bumping into Jinyoung’s chest. "Fucking Jackson Wang."

It’s Jinyoung’s turn to back up from him now and he slightly shoves at Jaebeom to make ample space. "Why are you so pressed about this, Jaebeom? If you swear to God you’re not jealous, why the fuck are you so angry?"

"I’m not jealous." He huffs.

"Jesus Christ, you’re a fucking child, you know that?” Jinyoung growls with as much as a low blow as he can cause. “Throwing a tantrum like this instead of fucking saying what you really feel."

And he must’ve really put it in where it hurt because now Jaebeom is quiet.

One beat.

Two.

Three.

He still hasn’t said anything. So Jinyoung tries again. 

"So tell me, Jaebeom. Why are you angry?”

It shouldn’t have come out like this. Nothing like this.

“Are you upset that Jackson gave me the time of day?” He continues. “That he took the two steps across the living room to come and chat me up? Is that it?” 

But Jinyoung is so bitter. So tired. He was supposed to have been found, why is he still feeling so lost?

“Well hate to break it to you, _hyung_ , but you were the one who told me to broaden my horizons and be this happy single on the prowl."

Jaebeom spits again and Jinyoung suppresses the attraction and the fear he feels when Jaebeom sets his fiery eyes on him. "You’re unbelievable."

_God._

Jinyoung wants to roar, hurt. He finds himself rolling his eyes again, a stray tear leaving his eye. He blinks the rest of the tears away as he pushes Jaebeom. "No, _you're_ unbelievable!"

Jaebeom’s back hits the wall with a thud. He grunts.

They stare.

Boiling hot. Evaporation.

"How dare you come into my life like _this_?!” Jinyoung yells, pushing Jaebeom over and over again. Jaebeom just lets him, no matter how bruising it is. “How dare you come in and ruin everything and make this HUGE spot for yourself in my life and still act like you've done nothing?! You're not nothing! You obviously want to mean something to me so for God’s sake I just want to hear you fucking say it!"

Jinyoung’s face has contorted into a mixture of sorrow and pain. He’s panting. Jaebeom is still silent. In the middle of it all; between them two, it is always just quiet.

It’s nauseating.

Jaebeom slumps against the wall, head upturned. Eyes to the heavens instead of where it really matters.

Trying, trying again. Jinyoung. "I just… Jaebeom, please. I.. I need to know." He sniffles.

"I thought we already talked about this." Jaebeom says, voice devoid of emotion.

Jinyoung looks at him, confused. "What?"

Jaebeom sighs and cracks his neck. He’s stressed.

"I thought— We— We already talked about this before, Jinyoung. On the phone. I… I had hoped that'd be enough."

 _What? What do you mean?_ Jinyoung is spiraling. “Jaebeom, what are you talking about?"

They look at each other again and Jinyoung only sees himself in Jaebeom’s eyes. Crumbled. Breaking.

It’s unspoken.

“Jaebeom, I…” Jinyoung breathes, staccato. It’s like sand is falling through his fingers. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I think I've always known—”

“I’m sorry.” Jaebeom says quickly..

_What?_

“I’m sorry if I ever made you think that was where we were headed—”

“Are you serious?” Jinyoung asks.

Jaebeom is quiet.

And no.

_No—_

Jinyoung wipes at his tears frantically. “No. _What the fuck?_ No, wait- are you fucking _kidding_ me right now? Jaebeom, I just told you I love you.”

Jaebeom’s head falls low. His teeth gritted. “No one asked you to love me.”

Another bout of silence. Jinyoung is desperate. 

“I can wait.” He begs. “We can act like this never happened and I can—”

“No, Jinyoung. No.”

“Please...?” Jinyoung chokes out a sob. Oh God. Where did he go wrong? “I just don’t... I don’t understand. I thought you— I can wait for you to love me.” He cries, bartering. “I— I swear to God, you were in love with me too.”

Jaebeom doesn’t move.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not like this. I finally told you. Please say it.

“Jaebeom?” Jinyoung cries. He steps close to Jaebeom, til their breaths are mixing and grips onto the older’s shirt, trying to anchor himself. How could this have happened? 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me.”

When Jaebeom lifts his head, Jinyoung can’t help but cry harder, the image of Jaebeom twisting until it’s a watery blur and the vague image of someone he thought could be forever.

“I will never love you.”

The sound of loose gravel fades in from one ear and out the other. It is footsteps, but to Jinyoung, it is the sound of his heart breaking piece by piece.

I love you, he says again. It is spoken, but no one is here to hear it.

(Jinyoung walks home alone that night.)

(And every night after.)

(He never hears from Jaebeom again.)

**V. December**

The air is crisp and biting at his cheeks while he walks through Downtown. There’s some perks about working in a metropolis, trekking through the winter breeze isn’t one of them. It probably wasn’t a bright idea for Jinyoung to go out without his trusty scarf around his neck but he desperately needed a pick-me-up from the coffee shop around the corner.

As he juggles his own coffee and his most favourite muffin of the day in one hand, his phone vibrates. He unlocks it to find one of his various social media accounts notifying him of a memory.

A year ago.

It's a photo of him, Yugyeom and Bambam from that party back in December. Just mere moments before he was introduced to Jaebeom.

A year ago.

And nothing.

It should hurt Jinyoung. (It does, but he doesn’t like to think about it.)

He taps the photo and then quickly dismisses it. He locks his phone and keeps on walking.

Jinyoung doesn’t think about Jaebeom anymore because Jaebeom doesn’t exist anymore.

Out of sight; out of—

A plane passes over him.

The sound is loud and the gust of wind it causes stings his ears but he watches it travel along, ignoring the way it wells up the memories of falling in love alone. He doesn’t think about Jaebeom anymore.

He is out of sight; out of mind.

But people forget, love is blind.

(I will love you anyway.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. I came back again with another one of my passion projects, but to be honest, it probably shouldn’t have ever seen the light of day. However, healing has a way of invading the mind until it’s all you can think about.
> 
> I know this piece is a bit different from what I’ve written and posted on AO3, but this piece is a bit more true to my nature and is quite frankly, my literal thought process when I go through the motions of storytelling. I apologize if you found this fic either too raw or too vague, but a part of that can honestly be blamed on the dumb reality it is based on.
> 
> Nonetheless, I hope it was enjoyable and I hope it made you feel something. Questions, comments, and kudos are always appreciated. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> Like always, if you want to keep up with my usual Ahgase antics, feel free to follow me on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_spiritxo) .
> 
> Until next time and stay healthy, loves!
> 
> \- Spirit


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